imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
