Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
either way he was missing a nipple.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize