I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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