I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Im part way to drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my liver is dry heaving
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize