how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
