I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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