I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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