How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
