his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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