I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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