when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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