11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize