Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
