apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
