He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i think im in europe. pls send help
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
