It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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