the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
