ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
