I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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