We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
