After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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