next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
