You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize