If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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