so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
