don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
