He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
