i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
