Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize