matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
