Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
