I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
