Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
