and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
