obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
