Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
