I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
