I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
