Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I still have a little drunk in my system
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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