She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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