so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
