Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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