Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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