happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
