I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize