You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
