3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
