so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
