P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
last night I used snow as a chaser
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
