I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
