you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
