why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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