She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
