I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
