so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize