Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
