Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
