so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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