Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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