I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
