I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
