so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
