Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
