Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
