we're chasing vodka with high fives
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize