so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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