That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
