i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
