Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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