I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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