I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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