i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
