i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
