Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
