At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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