Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
