You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize