Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
