He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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