I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
