The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
