He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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