I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
