I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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