also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just cropdusted the office
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
