have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
