I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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