Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
only if we run a train.
done.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
