She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
