it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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