so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All the doctor said was why
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
