Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize