like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A bitchslap is in order.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
