i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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