She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
