So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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