but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
