I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
