How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
