I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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