I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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