This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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